June 27, 2007

Sunday is New Law Day.

Its that time of year again my fellow Iowans. When the fruits of our legislators labors ripen into the laws that are the basis of our civil society. I really don't mean to trivialize the "accomplishments" of our hardworking Iowa legislators (OK I lied) but here is a rundown of the new laws that go into affect on Sunday. Pay attention here, ignorance of the law is not an excuse.

• Keg registration — Requires that each beer keg sold in Iowa be registered and have an identification sticker applied by the retailer.

Not since the passage of the Patriot Act has a legislative body so trampled on the rights of its citizenry. We have started down that slippery slope where, I firmly believe, the next step will be outright banning of kegs. As you well know, when kegs are outlawed only outlaws will have kegs.

Border Control — Makes livestock owners whose animals frequently stray responsible for building a fence.

Senator Wally Horn has had this legislation held up in conference committee since about 1874. The year barbed wire was patented!

Don't ask don't tell. — Makes it illegal to discriminate against a person because of sexual orientation.

Are there any other groups left that are not now covered by these ridiculous pandering declarations.

How are they going to get all those kids in the back seat of a Chevy? — Requires public and accredited non-public schools to teach sex education that is research-based, medically accurate and age-appropriate.

• Cloning — Will allow University of Iowa and other medical researchers to engage in embryonic stem cell research to find cures for diseases like Parkinson’s, cancer and diabetes. Human cloning remains illegal.

This appears to be the only campaign promise of the new governor that made it through this session. Other that raising taxes on smokes.

You cant legislate stupid. — Caps interest charges for car-title loans at 21 percent (down from around 264 percent).

If you are willing to pay 264% interest I'm not so sure you should be on the road in the first place.

Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh my! — Makes it illegal to sell or own dangerous wild animals, like wolves, lions or bears (existing owners are grandfathered in but must register their animals).

I'll get your little dog too... — Makes it illegal to kill a licensed dog just because it is bothering your pet.

"Excuse me, I believe you are bothering my shitszu Mr. Pitbull, may I see your licence and registration please..." Before I give you the lead treatment.

• Cyber hunting — Bans the remote hunting of animals via the Internet.

Hmm...is this really a problem in somebodies district?

• Corpse abuse— Makes it a criminal offense to abuse a human corpse, punishable by up to five years in prison. Abuse includes mutilation, disfigurement or dismembering with the intent to conceal a crime.

Hmm...is this really a problem in somebodies district? Part II

• Flag protection — Makes it once again illegal to deface, defile, mutilate or trample the American flag.

After corpse abuse, flag abuse was the next logical step.

Cha-ching! — Allows Vietnam veterans who have not collected their service (and who served between July 1, 1973, and May 31, 1975) to collect up to $500.

Finally, after all these years there is a handout I'm eligible for.

All in all a pretty harmless bunch of legislation. There were a couple more feel good actions dealing with schools, like cost sharing and bully control, but who can say anything bad if its for the children. We were spared the return of the touch play (sorry Wally ) and the states Right to Work law survived an attack from the Democrats and their union cronies. Now lets all go register a keg and see what we can come up with for next year.

New laws compiled courtesy of , The Gazette

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