Message to the World

The following asinine "Message to the World" landed in the in box the other day.

Message to the World: Service Restored!

Dear World:We, the United States of America, your top quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for our 2001-2008 interruption in service. The technical fault that led to this eight-year service outage has been located, and the software responsible was replaced November 4. Early tests of the newly installed program indicate that we are now operating correctly, and we expect it to be fully functional on January 20. We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage. We look forward to resuming full service and hope to improve in years to come. We thank you for your patience and understanding.

Sincerely,THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Not willing to let the reality impaired writer go unanswered I have crafted a more realistic message to the world.

Dear Arab World:

We, the United States of America, your top quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for the 2001-2008 interruption of your caliphate restoration project which was proceeding splendidly before our little hissy fit in 2001. The technical fault that led to this eight-year interruption was the recovery of the previously misplaced Presidential testicles that were discovered in the Presidential humidor in late January of 2001. We want you to know that that whole War on Terror thing was truly a misunderstanding. So to facilitate your future successes the Presidential testicles are once again safely secured in the hands of our Secretary of State, the CIA is being converted into a Starbucks, and your friends visiting Guantanamo should be home in time for Hajj. We thank you for your patience and understanding in this matter and as always have a Happy Jihad.

Sincerely,
THE SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF AMERICA
dba. THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA